I am a member and volunteer with another site called Wish Upon a Hero (www.wishuponahero.com). It is a site where anyone can make a wish and anyone else can come along and grant that wish..any wish at all. Well I have been corresponging with a woman whos sister in law is dying of cancer. She made a wish for her neices and nephews (the woman w/ cancers children) that they would have something for christmas and I send her a walmart gift card to get some gifts. I had mentioned to her that I lived through it with my college roomate and was there up until the moment he died so if she ever needed someonet o talk to to email me..and we have begun to email back and forth.
Well today I got an email that is very difficult for me to repond to bc she is asking for advice and support for a VERY difficult thing. I am just going to copy and paste the email..I am sooo glad I can be there as someone for her to talk to...Im just struggling on a response to this bc it is such a big decision.
Here is the email:
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\ wrote:
I just came in from the hospital Lynne came over at 5:30 this morning so Jonathan and I could go over and be there when the doctors made their rounds. I need some advice should we let them send her home on hospice? They can take the spinal shunt out and send her home to die and they said it would most likely be within a few hours to as much as 4 or 5 days or if she stays in the hospital she may have a few days longer. They said that hospice would give us the moriphine to give her and she would get something called fentanyl that would be a patch and is also for pain. She is not aware of anyone and even when her eyes are open she is not there you can look into her eyes and the person we love is no longer there. She moans but does not move and her arms are drawn up to her chest she is very swollen and is a yellow/grayish color if that makes since it's the only way I can think of to describe her color. What will bringing her home do to the kids? that is what I am worried about and then again maybe it would be better for them to see once she is gone she will no longer be in pain. What would you do? Maybe she wants to be at home and does not want to die in a hospital and that's why she is hanging on. I just don't know what to tell my brother to do. My brother looks like he is going to fall over any min. and he will not eat in front of her because she can't eat and he will not leave her now at all. Please any advice at all I feel so helpless.
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I personally can say from my experience that I do not think they should bring her home. When Mike died we stayed with him in teh hospital. I cant imagine the kids having to experience their mother dying in their own home (there are 4 children..ranging from @ 6 I think to maybe middle school age).
but I dont know..its such a huge decision..what do you think...any responses are appreciated (sooner than later as this is a time senstive situation!)
Thanks guys!!
Jamielynn
- December 19, 2007 3:23 pm
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My Grandmother stayed in a nursing home/rehabilitation center til her passing. She died peacefully there, I think they were more capable of making her comfortable than she would have been at home. They had the medicine, the nice bed, and we ofcourse were still there taking turns being with her, sometimes there were tons of us.
I have two little kids and I guess i wouldn't know what to do as far as that is concerned. It is a hard thing for kids to understand. When my Gram got ill, my son was 4 and he didn't get it at all, he just wanted to go down the hall from her room and play with my toys, my daughter was 11 and she was sooo good about it, I give her soo much credit for it. She would climb right up into the hospital bed and lay next to my Gram which made her soo happy! she even in her pain would smile, even though she no longer spoke! It's hard with kids, I guess it's dependant on the child.
But I think my advice would be to leave her in the center, because the move alone may be too much on her if she is that weak. How horrible for these kids, I can't even imagine. Please know that I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers!
I would prefer not to get involved and let the family make their own decision.
Although personally I believe that hospital would be the best place for her!
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nankster wrote:
I would prefer not to get involved and let the family make their own decision.
Although personally I believe that hospital would be the best place for her!
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I agree
Yea thats kind of exactly how i feel..not wanting to get involved bc this is a HUGE deal...but I would feel horrible not responding so I gotta say something.
I dont know it just seems huge..I know what I would do(stay in the hospital)..but its not me..they arent my kids..my family...
I told her its a decision her family is going to need to maybe have a sit down with some of the older kids and get their input on it. I reccomended maybe they call a child grief counselor/school counselor
and ask what their opinion on the whole thing is of what would be the
best way to handle it with the children....as of right now I dont think the children have been allowed in the hospital to visit (they had strep throat)...its just not something I can tell her what to do on. I know shes just looking for support...I just cant decide on such a big thing for her.
Please pray for the family!
i feel it would be best if she stayed in the hospital as the care tht they can provide her cannot be provided at home.
i dont have any more words to express my sorrow just know that my prayers are with her.
fawzia malik